- My crock pot has stayed in my sink “soaking” for like seven days. On more than one occasion. Technically, you’re doing dishes if there’s soap suds to be seen.
- I’ve used a wipe to bathe my kids. And their high chair. And their entire bedroom. And maybe myself.
- My third kid didn’t have a bedroom until he was a month old. But it was okay because he spent that month crying and sleeping on my chest for fifteen minutes at a time, 24 hours a day.
- My middle kid fell off her changing table when she started rolling over. I didn’t tell anyone until a friend confessed her baby rolled down the stairs and I felt the need to make her feel better.
- Everything I said I wasn’t going to do when I had kids, I did. That includes but is not limited to: letting my kid sleep with me. Letting my kid go to bed with a bottle. Letting my infant sleep on his belly. Letting my kids walk around the house with food. Recording my kids losing their shhhhh. Hiding food from my kids. Side note to this one: I remember reading a funny little story or meme about a mom hiding in her closet to eat a candy bar so she didn’t have to share with her kid. I read this before I had kids and thought to myself why is it such a big deal to let them have a bite? Seems a little dramatic. I get it. People, oh, I get it. It’s not just wanting to savor every last calorie. It’s also just wanting to sit and eat something without a tiny human (or in my case three) crawling all over you, tugging at your clothes, whining in your face, pulling your hair, slobbering on your chocolate. I take back every judgmental thought I had about that mom not wanting to share her Snickers.
- I’ve thrown away multiple Tupperware containers and sippy cups due to mold. Yes, mold. Yes, multiple ones.
- I’m not sure what the acceptable number of times per year you should clean your tub is, but I’m certain I’m not meeting the quota.
- I unloaded and put away a completely full dishwasher full of dirty dishes. I’ll let you guess what happened next.
- I drove a car through my neighbors house when I was twelve. BA DUM TSSSS.