What Not to Say to a Lady with Big Boobs

Are they real? 

Yes.

No way.

Yeah…they are…

Are you sure?

I’m pretty sure. I think I would’ve remembered a surgery.

They’re big!

Yeah, some are. Some aren’t….kinda like other things.

I just can’t believe it, that they’re real.

I mean, I can refer you to a picture of me in 7th grade if you really don’t believe me. But this is getting weird, so

Image result for so bye gif

If you have big boobs, you’ve heard it all. And I mean…It. All. From men, women, friends, strangers, family members, kids and so on. I’ll preface this blog by saying I don’t get offended. Like not at all. I’ve said that about many things throughout my adult life. I might be taken aback. I might be confused. I may even think you are Top Notch Idiot {because you are}.Image result for shrug gif

But it sorta just rolls off my back. Chances are if you’re reading this, you may have said some of these very things to me or someone else. My feelings aren’t hurt. I didn’t get mad. I wasn’t offended. I’m not one of those *you can’t poke fun at me* types of people. I laugh, that’s what I do so laugh with me on a few things you should never say to a lady with big boobs. 

  • Can I see them? No, no you may not. And no matter how many times you ask, the answer won’t change. Google is your friend, so enjoy Kate Upton or whoever the current sex symbol is. I ain’t ya girl. Image result for prude gif
  • Does it hurt when you sleep on your belly? No. Ok, when I was pregnant, yeah. But just normally, no, no more than it hurts you to sleep on that cute beer gut.
  • I bet it’ll be so easy to breastfeed. Think of alllll that milk! Ok, well first of all, breast size has nothing to do with milk supply. Second of all, I don’t plan to breastfeed so if you’d like to continue this conversation judging my parenting skills I’m gonna need to peace-out.
  • Isn’t it SO hard to find cute bras? Yeah, actually it is kinda tough. I’m glad you feel my pain. Even with Victoria’s Secret, they have tons of cute prints up to a C cup. Unfortunately after that it’s a one-way street to Beige City. Basically it’s been grandma bras since I was 14.        Image result for grandma bra
  • They’re nice but, I dunno, I’m more of an ass man. Okay…Thanks? I’ll just go ahead and transport my boob fat into my butt so you find me attractive. I’ll be sure to get those abs while I’m there. While I’m at it, do you prefer brunettes or blondes?                                                Image result for men are stupid gif
  • If you want to wear a button down shirt, just get a larger size. Thanks, Cosmo experts. It doesn’t work like that because then the shirt doesn’t fit elsewhere. If I want to look 9 months pregnant, though, I’ll keep that in mind. Image result for fat guy in a little coat gif
  • I bet your back hurts. Are you offering a back rub? Because I’m down if you are.
  • I’d love to see you run. Like run away from your right now? Because you’re about to get your wish.                                                                         Image result for forrest gump running gif
  • I’m so jealous. I wish I had your boobs. Well, Samantha, thank you. I’m jealous of a few things about you as well. Like your strapless swimsuit top and $5 sports bra.  Image result for strapless swimsuit top #girlpower

 

 

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